Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
