He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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