On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
