I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
