You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
