Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
meet me or not, i'm out of control
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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