So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
