he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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