yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
