everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
