First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
