Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize