I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
