I'm going to jail i love you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize