I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
