i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
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You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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