I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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