You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Randomize
