i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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