As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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