and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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