his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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