i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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