Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
