I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
