so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
When are your genitals available?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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