Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
