you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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