hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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