he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
