good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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