I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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