It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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