I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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