I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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