Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
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