Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
