The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
