I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Me too!
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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