Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
