I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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