Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
