We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
