the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
