So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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