Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
