Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
