I cannot find my penis.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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