He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
