I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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