Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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