I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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