dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
