i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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