Im at strip club and am horny
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
