the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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