Cold hands, warm shart.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
