i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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