I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
