So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
