masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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