her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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