i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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