Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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