Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
