yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
