I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize