Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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