fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
