I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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