I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
