Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
