Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
